Bruce Lawson’s personal site

Friday joke for Bill Lees

My old mate Bill “not too socialist to wear shoes” Lees complained about the absence of Friday jokes. So just for him:

Two guys are stuck in the desert, close to death, lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden…….

“Hey Bill, do you smell what I smell? I’m sure it’s bacon!”

‘Yes, Bruce, it smells like bacon to me.’

So, with their last resources of energy, they crawl up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

Bill races towards the tree. As he approaches, there is a rattle of machine gun fire, cruelly cutting him down. “Bruce, go back!” he cries as the life ebbs out of him. “It’s not a bacon tree. It’s … a ham bush!”

7 Responses to “ Friday joke for Bill Lees ”

Comment by Skylandhacker

pleased to meet you sir, I was one of the opera seminar held at the university parayangan bandung. My name is Bastanta Vicario, but just call me vic. 🙂 (Sorry, my english is not so good)

Comment by Chris Hunt

Two guys crawling through the desert (who knows, maybe it’s the same two?) desperate for a drink of water. Crossing a sand dune they come a cross a row of market stalls.

They ask the first stallholder for water, but he says “sorry effendi, I only have sponge fingers on this stall”.

The second is no better – all he has to sell is jelly and custard. The last stall holder is even worse, all he offers is a sprinkling of hundreds and thousands.

The two thirsty men crawl on. One comments “that was pretty weird, wasn’t it?”. “Yes,” says the other, “it was a trifle bizarre”.

I’ll get my coat.

Comment by Bill Lees

Right. Bloke tries to get into a night-club, only to be told by the bouncer that he isn’t allowed in without a tie. Crestfallen, he heads back to his parked car to see whether he has anything in there that he can use as a tie. Unfortunately, the best he can do is the set of jumper cables that he keeps in the car, which he nevertheless improvises into a sort of neckwear by tying around his throat, and marches back to the night club entrance. The bouncer stops him, saying “Oi – didn’t I tell you you needed a tie?” to which the bloke responds by indicating his jump-lead neckwear. “All right then” says the bouncer, “I’ll let you in. Just don’t start anything”.

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