Bruce Lawson’s personal site

5 feet 6 inches is the optimal height for a human

So, Mr Andy “Beanpole” Mabbett called me short. What he, and other lanky bastards don’t understand is that 5’6″ is the optimal height for a human being, and that is a fact proved by scientists.

The physics and biology are simple. If you are taller than the optimal height, not enough gravity reaches the top of the brain. This means that the blood tends to collect there, and not enough goes through the lower parts of the brain such as the hippocampus which controls things like spatial navigation. This is why tall people are often gangly and bump into things.

People shorter than 5’6″ have the opposite problem. Their heads are closer to the centre of the earth (where the gravity particles are formed in the base of volcanoes) so the blood tends to collect at the bottom of the brain and not flow so much at the top. This makes them more likely to commit suicide or suffer from an engorged hippocampus (which also controls long-term memory, which is why very short people like Hitler, Napoleon and Stalin never forgot grudges, for example).

However, at 5’6″, the distribution of gravity in the brain is perfect for optimal blood-flow around all areas, leading to high intelligence, superior wit, peak physical ability and extraordinary virility. Scientific fact.

Co-incidentally, I am five feet and six inches tall.

27 Responses to “ 5 feet 6 inches is the optimal height for a human ”

Comment by sil

Mussolini was 5’6″, it turns out. Good work, “optimal human beings”. I note that the trains in Birmingham don’t even run on time.

Comment by Sijmen

Wow, that’s interesting, but:

I’m 6′9″ myself and the problem isn’t with brains. It’s with trains! And buses, airplanes, lecture hall seats, doors, phone boots, parties, beds, mirrors, desks, clothing, shoes, houses, showers, (some) sports, crowds, the wheather up here and with people staring at me wondering why I’m not blue like all the other Na’vi.

But hey, I have a great view from up here! *waves down*

Comment by Bruce

@sil I said 5’6″ leads to “high intelligence, superior wit, peak physical ability and extraordinary virility”. I Science makes no claims about enhanced morality (subjective) or transport punctuality.

Comment by Brian

Thing is, Napoleon wasn’t short, he was above average height for the time at a gravity busting 5 ft 7 in.

Might explain why he could not find his way to Moscow very well.

Comment by Joe Hoyle

> which also controls long-term memory, which is why very short people like Hitler

I stalled there and had to make a double take… took me a while to get it

Comment by Andy Mabbett

Well, I really touched a nerve there, didn’t I?!

Protest all you like, mini-person, but remember: come the floods (or, more topically, the snowdrifts), just remember that you’ll be among the first to go.

[Seriously: I reckon I owe you a pint for that one.]

Comment by Ms. Jen

At 5′.75″ (60.75 inches or 154cm), my biggest problem is that all of my clothes are too long and I need a step ladder to get anything out of the kitchen cupboards.

Bruce, you have always seemed nice and tall to me…


Comment by Berserk

From the linked-to Wikipedia article:

A study done on men in Sweden has shown that there exists in this country a strong correlation between subnormal stature and suicide.[73]

This can also sometimes be translated over into the corporate world.[citation needed]

Historically this assumption has not always reflected reality […]

I don’t know what this means. Does the last sentence mean that not every short person commits suicide?

That’s a bold statement to make.

Comment by Padraig

Short Humour:-

7 dwarfs in a shower

There were 7 dwarfs inside a shower all feeling pleased, but then pleased got out so they began feeling grumpy instead!

Comment by Nev Cooke

I am a student of history and as far as I know Adolf Hitler was about 5 feet 9 inches tall, above average for 1890’s to 1945. Average height for units of the British Army in World war one was 5 feet 3 inches. In any photos of Hitler during WW1 he is noticeably taller than his fellow soldiers.

Comment by Cris

You are beyond retarded. LOL.
Stop basing your non-sense on “Physics” and “Biology”,the gravity force produced by our planet acts upon the Universe in its entirety! Such variances in force are measured in thousands of kilometres, not mere centimetres!

F = G ((m1.m2)/r)

You do the maths. Measure the force between your head and this planet’s inner core, then do the same between a hypothetical head from a person taller than yourself, and you’ll realise the differences are minimal, and are of no interest.
F (newtons), G (constant), m (kilos)(m1 = earth; m2 = head), r (metres).

You mouth madness! I, who have studied astrophysics for hours beyond counting shall deal with you as if you were a mere child!

Comment by Bruce


your formula fails to take into account the competing influences of the black hole at the centre of our galaxy, and the interplay of ley lines near Glastonbury (near my house) and cosmic chakras.

If you factor those in, you’ll see I’m right.

Comment by Brandi

Where is the facebook like module? I tried to find it,
but isn’t anywhere to be found. No big deal, just planned to provide you with a like; the content is worth it.

Comment by Neilav Konwar

Co-incidentally I am also Accurately 5 feet 6 inches tall not .001 mm also different that makes me the Smartest,wittiest and Most virility and Alpha man in the World…

Comment by J-Rod

It’s all about proportions. Doesn’t matter if you’re too tall or too short. For a mortal being, all that matters is the brainz! But unfortunately, short guys are not so lucky when it comes to attracting mates. Nevertheless, you can always compensate for that by having a superman’s physique. I really envy YouTubers such as Connor Murphy though. Also, short people have the advantage of using a ladder to climb and get things. But taller people have to bend down or physically twist and turn to get something unless they have a friend or partner who can get them stuff in the basement. I’d say any human between 5’0″ and 5’9″ are at optimum height for earth’s gravity and magnetism.

Comment by Alright

Ok, just want to say that I am 6’4” (76 inches or 193 cm) meaning I’m roughly 10 inches taller than you. Or through other measurements: tall enough to see over your bulls***.

The effect of gravity on blood pooling is ridiculously small at the height variances you describe. If anything, being taller sucks because it’s harder to get blood back up from your feet on the ground to your brain. Mind you negligably so as valves in our veins help move that along. Also this is one reason we have closed circulatory systems as opposed to open circulatory system that resides in crustaceans or insects. Blood doesn’t “pool.” It’s like the brake fluid in a car. Constantly moving so that…

I’ve honestly spent so much time typing this response to a dumb blog post that I’ve lost interest. No more. Assuming this is satire or sarcasm, good job. Assuming you actually, truly believe this. Find help. Or going take a biology, anatomy, physiology, or physics course at your local uni. Don’t need to take them all because 5 minutes in one will chew through this BS.

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