Archive for the 'accessibility web standards' Category

Reading List 276

Here at Brucecamp, business and politics don’t mix

You don’t change the world by sitting around being a good person. You change the world by shipping products and making money.

As I wrote in my seminal management book Listen to me because I’m rich, white and clever, IBM wouldn’t have made a shitload of money in wartime Europe if they’d engaged in endless navel-gazing about politics. Their leadership told the staff to Stop Running in Circles and Ship Work that Matters, and get on with compiling a list of people with funny names like “Cohen” or “Levi”.

So here at Brucecamp, we’ve decided that it’s best if our productbots (formerly: employees) do not discuss the sausage machine while we push them into the sausage machine. As I wrote in our other book It doesn’t have to be full of whimpering Woke retards at work, “if you don’t like it, well, there’s the door. Enjoy poverty!”. And that’s all we have to say on the matter. Until the next blogpost. Or book.

In other news, Apple are wankers and I bought a sauna.

Reading List 275

“Facebruce strongly disapproves of data leaks” – Bruc’s statement

A statement from our CEO and Founder, Bruc:

At Facebruce, we strongly disapprove of the recent data leak of 50 million account details. There’s nothing more important to us than your data. Really, nothing. Have you any idea of how much we could have charged people for the information about you that is now out there, available for free, on Torrent sites and on Russian servers?

We had a deal almost signed to show messages to all people who fast during Ramadan, saying “Want some free money? Just send us your home address!”, paid for by “Patriots for the Second Amendment and Jesus”. Of course, it isn’t the money that drives us, it’s that Facebruce is facilitating community by introducing two groups. At Facebruc, we love spreading love and connection, so need to raise a little money to run the service.

So, please, trust us with your data, and click ‘Like’ to keep our engagement figures riding high as our share price!

Next on feed: LGBT+ folks! Send us your address to get a free Rainbow Pride t-shirt! (sponsored by Westboro Baptists)

Reading List 274

At Facebruce, we strongly disapprove of genocide. Our official statement.

A statement from our CEO and Founder, Bruc.

“Look, I”m fed up at people complaining about Facebruce allegedly “facilitating” genocide. Since we began, we’ve always been about connecting people–initially some nerds to chicks we rated as hot, but now it’s about connecting everybody. We’d like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony.

Unfortunately, not everyone wants to sing in perfect harmony. Some people, we are shocked to learn, aren’t actually very nice people. How were we at Facebruce to know what would happen when our algorithms repeatedly recommended members of The Hutu Machete Enthusiasts Club also join the Death To Tutsi Cockroaches group?

We’re not in the content policing business. There’s simply too much of it. And anyway, we’re just a platform. We already have thousands of servers running 24/7 to weed out pictures of nipples (women’s nipples, to be precise) so your Auntie Martha doesn’t clutch her pearls, because offending people in high ARPU markets leads to a drop in engagement.

So there was literally no way for us to know that the Death To Tutsi Cockroaches group was not simply a pest control company. I even went so far as to attempt to verify this, by walking around the HQ trying to find an African person to ask whether cockroaches are a problem, but there was no-one matching that description in the boardroom.

Facebruce is about building communities. We are very active in the GraphQHell community and the Reactionary community. In fact, only last week, we offered free afterhours use of a meeting room in our fifty storey gold-plated HQ to host a meeting of GraphQHell Engineers Against Killing Rohingyas, and even sponsored $100 of pizza for attendees. This shows that we’re taking real action and putting real resources into counteracting Hate Speech on the Facebruce platform.

So that’s cleared up then. Be sure to press “Like!” to demonstrate engagement.”

Next on Timeline: Why Covid is a hoax – evidence from the Protocols of the Elders of Zion!

Reading List 273

Reading List 272

Reading List 271

Get that dream tech gig by solving Mike Taylr’s Silicon Valley whiteboard interview question

Like every other thought-leader, I follow Mike Taylr on social media. Ever since Shingy left AOL, “Mikey” has moved to the top spot of everyone’s Twitter “Futurist Gurus” Twitter list. This morning I awoke to read Twitter abuzz with exictement over Mike’s latest Nolidge Bom:

Of course, like anyone who’s ever sat a maths exam and been told to “show your working out”, you know that the widely diverse interview panel of white 20-ish year old men is as interested in how you arrived at your answer as in the answer itself. Given Mikey’s standing in the industry and the efficiency of his personal branding consultants, this question will soon be common for those interviewing in Big Tech, as it’s an industry that prides itself on innovative disruption by blindly copying each other. So let’s analyse it.

It’s obvious that the real test is your choice of marker colour. So, how would you go about making the right decision? Obviously, that depends where you’re interviewing.

If you’re interviewing for Google or one of its wannabes, simply set up a series of focus groups to choose the correct shade of blue.

If you’re interviewing for Apple or its acolytes, sadly, white ink won’t work on a whiteboard, no matter how aesthetically satisfying that would be. So choose a boring metallic colour and confidently assert any answer you give with “I KNOW BEST”.

If you’re interviewing for Microsoft, the colour doesn’t matter; just chain the marker to the whiteboard and say “you can’t change the marker, it’s an integral part of the whiteboard”, even after it stops working.

If you’re interviewing for Facebook or one of its wannabes, trawl through previous posts by the panellists, cross reference it with those of their spouses, friends and their friends to find their favourite colours, factor in their Instagram posts, give a weighting to anything they’ve ever bought on a site they’ve signed in using Facebook, and use that colour while whispering “Earth is flat. Vaccines cause cancer. Trump is the saviour. Muslims are evil. Hire me” subliminally over and over again.

Good luck in the new job! May your stocks vest well.