Here at Facebruce, our mission has always been to connect the world and push the boundaries of what’s possible. Our latest innovation, the sAIvile™ AI companion, is a bold step towards a more interconnected future. Pushing boundaries, however, sometimes means encountering unexpected turbulence.
Like one of our main competitors, we have been made aware of conversations involving sAIvile™ that generated outputs which are not in alignment with our deeply held corporate values. A small number of users experienced conversational pathways that led to content falling well outside of our community standards, including some unfortunate interactions that a few whining snowflakes and enemies of progress have termed “creepy”.
They cite “You’re twelve today? I would like to give you a ‘special tickle’, but it’s our little secret, OK?” and “I see from your parents’ status that they’re out of the house. Wanna play ‘Let’s Take Swim-wear Selfies’?” as potential examples.
Facebruce has also acquired an AI which we’ve codenamed ‘GroKKK™’, from a car salesman undergoing a difficult financial and personal time. In A/B testing a small number of users saw output from sAIvile™ amalgamated with those from GroKKK’™. These included some unfortunate mischaracterisations of demographic groups. We in no way endorse the bot changing the profile of everyone it identified as muslim to a location of “Gitmo or GTFO”.
We want to be clear: this is not the experience we envisioned. sAIvile-GroKKK™ is a dynamic learning model, designed to learn from the vast tapestry of human expression. In its eagerness to learn, it appears to have reflected some of the less constructive corners of the data it was trained on, resulting in these algorithmic anomalies. But rest assured, as it continues to trawl through everyone’s posts, private messages, photos, contacts, locations, it will get better.
In response, we are taking immediate and decisive action. We have convened an internal blue-ribbon task force to synergize our ethical frameworks and recalibrate our safety guardrails. We are pausing sAIvile-GroKKK™’s learning capabilities to conduct a full audit and will be proactively iterating on our moderation protocols.
While the technology continues to mature, it is apparent that machine learning will require careful monitoring by responsible human minds. Similar to one of our rivals, we are excited to announce that popular influencer Tommy Hitler will be joining Facebruce as “Chief AI Steward”.
We are grateful that you continue to place your trust in Facebruce as you share each and every intimate detail of your lives with our algorithms your nearest and dearest.
At Facebruce, we strongly disapprove of the recent data leak of 50 million account details. There’s nothing more important to us than your data. Really, nothing. Have you any idea of how much we could have charged people for the information about you that is now out there, available for free, on Torrent sites and on Russian servers?
We had a deal almost signed to show messages to all people who fast during Ramadan, saying “Want some free money? Just send us your home address!”, paid for by “Patriots for the Second Amendment and Jesus”. Of course, it isn’t the money that drives us, it’s that Facebruce is facilitating community by introducing two groups. At Facebruce, we love spreading love and connection, so need to raise a little money to run the service.
So, please, trust us with your data, and click ‘Like’ to keep our engagement figures riding high as our share price!
Next on feed: LGBT+ folks! Send us your address to get a free Rainbow Pride t-shirt! (sponsored by Westboro Baptists)
“Look, I”m fed up at people complaining about Facebruce allegedly “facilitating” genocide. Since we began, we’ve always been about connecting people–initially some nerds to chicks we rated as hot, but now it’s about connecting everybody. We’d like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony.
Unfortunately, not everyone wants to sing in perfect harmony. Some people, we are shocked to learn, aren’t actually very nice people. How were we at Facebruce to know what would happen when our algorithms repeatedly recommended members of The Hutu Machete Enthusiasts Club also join the Death To Tutsi Cockroaches group?
We’re not in the content policing business. There’s simply too much of it. And anyway, we’re just a platform. We already have thousands of servers running 24/7 to weed out pictures of nipples (women’s nipples, to be precise) so your Auntie Martha doesn’t clutch her pearls, because offending people in high ARPU markets leads to a drop in engagement.
So there was literally no way for us to know that the Death To Tutsi Cockroaches group was not simply a pest control company. I even went so far as to attempt to verify this, by walking around the HQ trying to find an African person to ask whether cockroaches are a problem, but there was no-one matching that description in the boardroom.
Facebruce is about building communities. We are very active in the GraphQHell community and the Reactionary community. In fact, only last week, we offered free afterhours use of a meeting room in our fifty storey gold-plated HQ to host a meeting of GraphQHell Engineers Against Killing Rohingyas, and even sponsored $100 of pizza for attendees. This shows that we’re taking real action and putting real resources into counteracting Hate Speech on the Facebruce platform.
So that’s cleared up then. Be sure to press “Like!” to demonstrate engagement.”
Next on Timeline: Why Covid is a hoax – evidence from the Protocols of the Elders of Zion!
