Archive for the 'NOLIDGE BOMS' Category

The most inspiring Apple Event announcement

I watched this week’s Apple Event for a while, but there was nothing that interested me; I have a mobile phone which works fine for me, I don’t need a watch and I can’t afford a new computer.

But here’s one Apple event speech I genuinely found really energising. In 2007, Steve Jobs made a bold announcement at Apple’s developer conference, that I still find inspiring today:

Transcript

Now, what about developers? We have been trying to come up with a solution to expand the capabilities of iPhone by allowing developers to write great apps for it, and yet keep the iPhone reliable and secure. And we’ve come up with a very sweet solution. Let me tell you about it.

So, we’ve got an innovative new way to create applications for mobile devices, really innovative, and it’s all based on the fact that iPhone has the full Safari inside. The full Safari engine is inside of iPhone and it gives us tremendous capability, more than there’s ever been in a mobile device to this date, and so you can write amazing Web 2.0 and Ajax apps that look exactly and behave exactly like apps on the iPhone!

And these apps can integrate perfectly with iPhone services: they can make a call, they can send an email, they can look up a location on Google Maps. After you write them, you have instant distribution. You don’t have to worry about distribution: just put them on your internet server. And they’re really easy to update: just change the code on your own server, rather than having to go through this really complex update process. They’re secured with the same kind of security you’d use for transactions with Amazon, or a bank, and they run securely on the iPhone so they don’t compromise its reliability or security.

And guess what: there’s no SDK! You’ve got everything you need, if you know how to write apps using the most modern web standards, to write amazing apps for the iPhone today. You can go live on June 29.

On open Operating Systems, Progressive Web Apps live up to this promise; truly cross-platform code that can be responsive to any form factor, using a mature technology with great accessibility (assuming a competent developer), that is secure and sandboxed, that requires no gatekeepers, developer licenses or expensive IDEs. They’ll work on Android, Windows, ChromeOS and Mac.

But 14 years after Jobs had this bold vision for the open web, iOS hasn’t caught up. Apple has imposed a browser ban on iOS. Yes, there are “browsers” called Chrome, Edge, Firefox that can be downloaded from the App Store for iOS–but they only share branding and UI features with their fully-fledged counterparts on open Operating Systems. On iOS, they are all just differently-badged skins for the buggy, hamstrung version of WebKit that Apple ships and occasionally patches for security (often waiting long after WebKit has been fixed before pushing it to consumers).

Apple knows Safari is terrible. SVP of software Eddy Cue, who reports directly to Tim Cook, wrote in 2013

The reason we lost Safari on Windows is the same reason we are losing Safari on Mac. We didn’t innovate or enhance Safari….We had an amazing start and then stopped innovating… Look at Chrome. They put out releases at least every month while we basically do it once a year.

Forcing other iOS “browsers” to skin Safari’s engine rather than use their own more capable engines is a deliberate policy decision. Apple’s App Store guidelines state

Apps that browse the web must use the appropriate WebKit framework and WebKit Javascript.

Job’s 2007 speech felt like a turning point: a successful, future-facing company really betting on the open web. These days, Apple sells you hardware that they claim will “express your individuality” by choosing one of two brand new colours. But, for the web, choose any colour you want, as long as it’s webkit-black.

Some of us are trying to change this. Earlier this month I was part of a small group invited to brief the UK regulator, the Competition and Marketing Authority, as part of its investigation into

Apple’s conduct in relation to the distribution of apps on iOS and iPadOS devices in the UK, in particular, the terms and conditions governing app developers’ access to Apple’s App Store.

You can watch the video of my presentation, and see Stuart Langridge’s slides.

Random Expo.io tips

I’m doing some accessibility testing on a React Native codebase that uses Expo during development. If you’ve done something seriously wrong in a previous life and karma has condemned you to using React Native rather than making a Progressive Web App, Expo is jolly useful. It gives you a QR code that you can scan with Android or iOS to ‘install’ the app on your device and you get live reload of any changes. It’s like sinking in a quagmire of shit but someone nice is bringing you beer and playing Abba while it happens. (Beats me why that isn’t their corporate strapline.)

Anyway, I struggled a bit to set it up so here are some random tips that I learned the hard way:

  • If your terminal yells “Error: EMFILE: too many open files, watch at FSEvent.FSWatcher._handle.onchange (internal/fs/watchers.js:178:28) error Command failed with exit code 1” when you start Expo, stop it, do brew install watchman and re-start Expo. Why? No idea. Someone from StackOverflow told me. Most npm stuff is voodoo magic–just install all the things, hope none of them were made by in Moscow by Vladimir Evilovich of KGB Enterprises, ignore all the deprecation warnings and cross your fingers.
  • If you want to open your app in an iOS simulator, you need xcode and you need to install xcode command line tools or it’ll just hang.
  • Scrolling in iOS simulator is weird. Press the trackpad with one hand and scroll with other hand. Or enable three finger drag and have one hand free for coffee, smoking or whatever other filthy habits you’ve developed while working from home.
  • If you don’t want it, you can turn off the debugging menu overlay.
  • If you like CSS, under no circumstances view source of the app running in the browser. It is, however, full of lots of ARIA nourishment thanks to React Native for Web.

Who knows? One day, Apple may decide not to hamstring PWAs on iOS and we can all use the web to run on any device and any browser, just as Sir Uncle Timbo intended.

Here at Brucecamp, business and politics don’t mix

You don’t change the world by sitting around being a good person. You change the world by shipping products and making money.

As I wrote in my seminal management book Listen to me because I’m rich, white and clever, IBM wouldn’t have made a shitload of money in wartime Europe if they’d engaged in endless navel-gazing about politics. Their leadership told the staff to Stop Running in Circles and Ship Work that Matters, and get on with compiling a list of people with funny names like “Cohen” or “Levi”.

So here at Brucecamp, we’ve decided that it’s best if our productbots (formerly: employees) do not discuss the sausage machine while we push them into the sausage machine. As I wrote in our other book It doesn’t have to be full of whimpering Woke retards at work, “if you don’t like it, well, there’s the door. Enjoy poverty!”. And that’s all we have to say on the matter. Until the next blogpost. Or book.

In other news, Apple are wankers and I bought a sauna.

“Facebruce strongly disapproves of data leaks” – Bruc’s statement

A statement from our CEO and Founder, Bruc:

At Facebruce, we strongly disapprove of the recent data leak of 50 million account details. There’s nothing more important to us than your data. Really, nothing. Have you any idea of how much we could have charged people for the information about you that is now out there, available for free, on Torrent sites and on Russian servers?

We had a deal almost signed to show messages to all people who fast during Ramadan, saying “Want some free money? Just send us your home address!”, paid for by “Patriots for the Second Amendment and Jesus”. Of course, it isn’t the money that drives us, it’s that Facebruce is facilitating community by introducing two groups. At Facebruc, we love spreading love and connection, so need to raise a little money to run the service.

So, please, trust us with your data, and click ‘Like’ to keep our engagement figures riding high as our share price!

Next on feed: LGBT+ folks! Send us your address to get a free Rainbow Pride t-shirt! (sponsored by Westboro Baptists)

At Facebruce, we strongly disapprove of genocide. Our official statement.

A statement from our CEO and Founder, Bruc.

“Look, I”m fed up at people complaining about Facebruce allegedly “facilitating” genocide. Since we began, we’ve always been about connecting people–initially some nerds to chicks we rated as hot, but now it’s about connecting everybody. We’d like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony.

Unfortunately, not everyone wants to sing in perfect harmony. Some people, we are shocked to learn, aren’t actually very nice people. How were we at Facebruce to know what would happen when our algorithms repeatedly recommended members of The Hutu Machete Enthusiasts Club also join the Death To Tutsi Cockroaches group?

We’re not in the content policing business. There’s simply too much of it. And anyway, we’re just a platform. We already have thousands of servers running 24/7 to weed out pictures of nipples (women’s nipples, to be precise) so your Auntie Martha doesn’t clutch her pearls, because offending people in high ARPU markets leads to a drop in engagement.

So there was literally no way for us to know that the Death To Tutsi Cockroaches group was not simply a pest control company. I even went so far as to attempt to verify this, by walking around the HQ trying to find an African person to ask whether cockroaches are a problem, but there was no-one matching that description in the boardroom.

Facebruce is about building communities. We are very active in the GraphQHell community and the Reactionary community. In fact, only last week, we offered free afterhours use of a meeting room in our fifty storey gold-plated HQ to host a meeting of GraphQHell Engineers Against Killing Rohingyas, and even sponsored $100 of pizza for attendees. This shows that we’re taking real action and putting real resources into counteracting Hate Speech on the Facebruce platform.

So that’s cleared up then. Be sure to press “Like!” to demonstrate engagement.”

Next on Timeline: Why Covid is a hoax – evidence from the Protocols of the Elders of Zion!

Get that dream tech gig by solving Mike Taylr’s Silicon Valley whiteboard interview question

Like every other thought-leader, I follow Mike Taylr on social media. Ever since Shingy left AOL, “Mikey” has moved to the top spot of everyone’s Twitter “Futurist Gurus” Twitter list. This morning I awoke to read Twitter abuzz with exictement over Mike’s latest Nolidge Bom:

Of course, like anyone who’s ever sat a maths exam and been told to “show your working out”, you know that the widely diverse interview panel of white 20-ish year old men is as interested in how you arrived at your answer as in the answer itself. Given Mikey’s standing in the industry and the efficiency of his personal branding consultants, this question will soon be common for those interviewing in Big Tech, as it’s an industry that prides itself on innovative disruption by blindly copying each other. So let’s analyse it.

It’s obvious that the real test is your choice of marker colour. So, how would you go about making the right decision? Obviously, that depends where you’re interviewing.

If you’re interviewing for Google or one of its wannabes, simply set up a series of focus groups to choose the correct shade of blue.

If you’re interviewing for Apple or its acolytes, sadly, white ink won’t work on a whiteboard, no matter how aesthetically satisfying that would be. So choose a boring metallic colour and confidently assert any answer you give with “I KNOW BEST”.

If you’re interviewing for Microsoft, the colour doesn’t matter; just chain the marker to the whiteboard and say “you can’t change the marker, it’s an integral part of the whiteboard”, even after it stops working.

If you’re interviewing for Facebook or one of its wannabes, trawl through previous posts by the panellists, cross reference it with those of their spouses, friends and their friends to find their favourite colours, factor in their Instagram posts, give a weighting to anything they’ve ever bought on a site they’ve signed in using Facebook, and use that colour while whispering “Earth is flat. Vaccines cause cancer. Trump is the saviour. Muslims are evil. Hire me” subliminally over and over again.

Good luck in the new job! May your stocks vest well.

Don’t put pointer-events: none on form labels

The other day I was tearing my hair out wondering why an HTML form I was debugging wouldn’t focus on the form field when I was tapping on the associated label. The HTML was fine:

<label for="squonk">What's your name, ugly?</label>
<input id="squonk">

I asked my good chum Pat “Pattypoo” Lauke for help, and without even looking at the form or the code, he asked “Does it turn off pointer events in the CSS?”

Lo and FFS, there it was! label {pointer-events:none;}! This daft bit of CSS breaks the browser default behaviour of an associated label, and makes the hit target smaller than it would otherwise be. Try clicking in the “What’s your name, ugly?” text:

Try me, I’m good



Try me, I’m crap



I’m jolly lucky to have the editor of the Pointer Events spec as my chum. But why would anyone ever do this? (That line of CSS, I mean, not edit a W3C spec; you do the editing for the sex and the glory.)

Once again, Pat whipped out his code ouija board:

And, yes—the presentation had originally been Material Design floating labels, and this line of CSS had been cargo-culted into the new design. So don’t disable pointer events on forms—and, while you’re at it, Stop using Material Design text fields!

The clown in Steven King's IT down a storm drain, saying 'We all float labels down here Georgie"